Battle of the Boy Bands
by AquilaTempestas
Summary: Boris learns that boy bands are the new big thing. He decides it's time for a career change and sets his eyes on creating the world's most awesome boy band – the Blue Balls.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer**

The rights to Beyblade belong to Takao Aoki.

**Title**

Battle of the Boy Bands

**Summary**

Boris learns that boy bands are the new big thing. He decides it's time for a career change and sets his eyes on creating the world's most awesome boy band – the Blue Balls.

**.**

**Prologue: A New Career**

Boris sat back in his sofa and turned the remote on. He was pretty darn bored these days. Since failing to dominate the world for a third time, Boris decided to drop out of beyblading related things altogether. He needed a career change and he needed one quick. Sitting at home all day watching horrible soapies and watching old ladies knit was torture.

But what could he do? Sport wasn't something he was interested in anymore. He was too old to go back to his modelling career. Hollywood didn't interest him. He flipped through some more channels but nothing caught his eye. Television was pretty crap these days. "-boy bands are all the rage these days. Who can deny the hit boy band, Felatio, fronted by champion Tyson!" said Brad West, a former beyblade commentator.

AJ Topper nodded. "Felatio will be touring the country late next month. Tickets have already sold out in record time!"

"That's right, AJ. Tickets were released last week two packages. The standard ticket price and the VIP package. All tickets sold out in ten minutes. We have reports that's over fifty thousand tickets!" Brad held up his own ticket and waved it in front of the camera. "If you haven't gotten one yet, there will be a final release of tickets next week. Keep your eyes peeled to this channel for more entertainment news."

Following the report a music video clip showing thirty seconds of the boys appeared on the screen. Boris found himself unable to tear his gaze away. How could it be that five teenage male beybladers became the biggest thing in music in under a year? "Perhaps... perhaps this is what I should do," Boris said. He was a good business man and he had the money to fund his own shows and such. Reality music television!

It would be the perfect way to rebuild his reputation. He could form a boy band to compete with that rotten Felatio. But how to create a group? Good looks was obviously important, so he needed to find five good looking guys the girls went crazy over. That was guaranteed to earn him quick money. Singing voices didn't need to be spectacular... technology could fix vocals. "I will call Voltaire and tell him the good news."

He pulled out his phone from his pocket and dialled Voltaire's number. It rang for a few seconds until Voltaire picked up. "Hello, Voltaire speaking."

"This is Boris. I have an awesome idea that will make us rich and rebuild our reputations."

"What is your idea?"

"I shall start my own reality music show and form a boy band to compete with Felatio!" Boris declared. He could literally see dollar signs before his eyes.

"But Felatio are too good! How shall we find the perfect five to compete with such perfection?"

Boris thought hard about this but nothing came to mind. "We'll have to hope the perfect people audition for the show. They need to be better than Felatio in every area. They must be attractive, have decent voices and dress nicely."

"Tyson, Rei, Brooklyn, Enrique and Miguel will be difficult to beat."

"I am willing to spend hundreds, even thousands to find the best. I am not prepared to fail again." Boris hung up on the phone and stared up at the ceiling. He could only hope fortune smiled upon him.

**.**

_Six months later..._

High pitched shrills filled the air as hundreds of females rushed to the stage to get the best view of their idols. Some girls screamed until they turned red in the face, others dropped to the floor unable to handle the heat. But as others were carted away to the nearest health station, more girls flooded in to take their places.

Tyson couldn't stand it. They were _his _fans! And now all his girls were supporting the new boy band, Blue Balls! It was disgusting! Atrocious! Despicable! It was more heart wrenching than learning that Harry Styles and Taylor Swift were dating! "Those nobodies have stolen our fanbase," he vented, hands curled into fists at his side.

Enrique nodded. "What are we going to do, Tyson? We have a new record coming out soon but no one seems interested anymore. They're all going crazy over this new band." No fanbase meant no money and that meant Enrique and his friends would have to get real jobs.

"I don't want to... to get a jo-job," Brooklyn said, his bottom lip trembling.

"You said the bad word," Rei said.

Miguel was the voice of reason. "We're in a bad situation guys, this calls for drastic measures. We're going to have to reinvent ourselves if we wish to continue our careers past a year."

Rei thought hard. "But how are we going to do that? All we know is sappy love ballads."

"We must consult our manager, Hilary," said Tyson. "She will know what to do." Hilary was the manager and girlfriend of Tyson. They were an unlikely couple seeing she was in a higher up position than him, but Tyson didn't seem to care.

"Boris cheated his way through. He already had the boys put together as a group before entering them. They weren't pulled together by random chance," Brooklyn stated. "He's a fraud and we should expose him to the public. The girls believe the boys were randomly put together."

Rei's expression darkened. "But we know that's not true."

"Fat chance of convincing the girls their idols are fake," said Enrique. "They're really obsessed with these boys. I saw one girl tackle one of the boys to the ground just so she could touch him." No girl ever did that at their shows.

Tyson made a dramatic pose, pointing a finger to the sky. "To the manager's office!" With a cheer, Tyson led his group mates to the office of Felatio. Blue Balls were going down.

**.**

This is going to be a pretty crazy story full of boy band clichés, but is it worth continuing? Reviews are always appreciated!

Who do you think will be in the Blue Balls?


	2. How the Blue Balls Came to Be

**Disclaimer**

The rights to Beyblade belong to Takao Aoki.

**Title**

Battle of the Boy Bands

**Summary**

Boris learns that boy bands are the new big thing. He decides it's time for a career change and sets his eyes on creating the world's most awesome boy band – the Blue Balls.

**Special Thanks**

Orange Spartans, DGMSilverAirHead03, CoolCat, Lhune, NorthernShinigami and SatsurikuSajira for reviewing the previous chapter! Glad you guys decided to give this crazy story a chance.

**.**

**Chapter One: How the Blue Balls Came to Be**

The auditioning process had been a long painful journey for Boris and Voltaire. So many stupid people had wasted their time to come in and showcase their lack of talent. Despite the sign clearly stating, 'SINGING AUDITIONS ONLY', a large number of people who had no talent for singing came in. Raul and Julia put on a juggling act. Zeo played the violin. Robert gave a history lecture. Were people honestly that stupid?

"This is ridiculous," Boris spat, glaring at the retreating back of Ming Ming. The poor girl thought she was an excellent singer, but she could not carry a tune at all. Even fighting cats sounded beautiful in comparison to her ungodly voice. Boris swore she could crack mirrors with it. "Where is the boy band talent? Don't tell me that Felatio is all there is."

Voltaire smiled, and gave Boris a comforting pat on the shoulder. "Do not be disheartened, my dear friend. The next person auditioning will restore your faith in humanity. Please enter the room, Tala."

"Tala?"

"Yes, Tala."

"As in, Tala, the captain of the Demolition Boys and Blitzkrieg Boys?"

"Yes, that's the one."

Tala _was _a good-looking guy, although his hair could use some work. He didn't want the media slamming the Blue Balls because one guy had hair shaped in the form of the Devil's horns. Still, he was attractive and looks went far in the world of boy bands. He could also dance quite well. When Tala was part of the Abbey, he often spent alone time practicing dance moves. It's why he wore super tight disco pants.

Tala entered the room and smiled at the two judges. "I'm Tala and I'm going to sing Justin Beiber's 'Baby'." He started to sing the easy-to-remember words and even pulled out a few pelvic thrusts to impress his judges. Boris was quite disturbed, but the chic-er, girls would admire it. "You have star quality, Tala! You will be part of the Blue Balls."

Tala smirked and exited the room, saying aloud, 'Of course, I'm amazing'.

"Who will be auditioning next?" Boris asked, feeling his faith in humanity restore.

"The next guy is a bit of an idiot, but he's popular with the ladies already. Come on in, Michael!"

Michael, the captain of the PBB All-Starz. He had a massive ego. He would do anything to impress the ladies. The American wasn't afraid of getting in front of a big stage and putting on an act. He would do well for the Blue Balls. Michael entered and frowned at the judging panel. "Where are all the cute girls?"

"Not here, now sing," Boris ordered.

Michael rolled his eyes, then broke out into song. He sang the words to Carly Rae Jeperson's hit song, 'Call Me Maybe'. Although a little of tune, Michael did enough to impress Boris. "You are in. Welcome to the Blue Balls!" Voltaire said, clapping. Michael threw a fist into the air and strutted out the room, whistling a merry tune to himself.

"We're going to have to tone down that ego a few notches," Boris said.

"We'll worry about that in due time. Prepare yourself for the next talent, my own grandson, Kai!"

Kai entered the room, his white scarf flapping behind him. He had a sullen look on his face, almost like he had accidentally sat on something very important. "Hello."

"What are you going to sing for us today, Kai?" Boris asked, leaning forward on his table. Kai was a spoiled brat, but the girls _loved _him. Personal feelings could be put aside though.

"I will be singing, 'Take Me Breath Away' by New Kids on the Block," Kai said proudly, taking on a cowboy pose in the middle of the stage. He waited for several seconds then started singing the words with such confidence Boris could _almost _believe he was being serious. Kai had the slick moves. The smooth voice. The look. He had the whole package. Kai would be the face of the Blue Balls.

"Excellent work, Kai. You will be part of the Blue Balls," said Boris.

Voltaire grinned widely, applauding the performance of his grandson. "I told you he was good."

"Who is the next poor fool?"

"Johnny. He calls himself the Gladiator of Glasgow. He's got a rugged sort of look about him, but girls like the bad boy look so that's why I invited him. His voice needs a little work though, but that's alright – he won't have any solo lines to sing," Voltaire explained. "Here he comes."

Boris was right about Johnny, the guy looked like he had just come off the streets. His shorts were ripped, his shirt was ripped... heck, even his jacket was. His shoulders were slouched, and his hair looked like it hadn't been combed in a week. Boris wasn't so sure about Johnny, but if Voltaire had personally invited him... then he had to have some worth.

Johnny got down on one knee, and extended his hand towards Boris, then sung the words to 'Bye, Bye, Bye' by NYSNC. He even managed to add his own unique dance moves to the song giving his performance more of an original feel. Although his voice wasn't that great, Johnny's 'bad boy' look would earn the Blue Balls popularity points. "Ok, you are in," said Boris.

Johnny simply nodded, digging his hands into his pockets before strutting out the door. "We need one more member," said Boris, "and I already know who that's going to be. I asked Mystel to audition."

"Mystel?" Voltaire repeated.

"Yeah, I know he's an idiot and a bit of a flake, but he's a good looking guy with a decent voice. The girls will go crazy over the 'blond blue eyed' guy," Boris explained. "Brooklyn was already taken."

Voltaire stroked his chin, nodding. "That's understandable then. Girls seem to go crazy over blond blue eyed guys." He sat back in his chair, arms crossed over his chest. Mystel entered the room, with a lopsided smile on his face. He gazed around seemingly fascinated by the cream plain wallpaper. Voltaire was beginning to have doubts about Boris' choice.

But then, Mystel started to sing, and all doubts were erased. Of course, the blond wasn't anywhere near the level of his grandson, but the boy had some talent. "I think we've found our perfect band," Voltaire said, raising a hand to signal Mystel to stop. The blond ceased singing immediately and instead, busied himself by playing with his hair.

"You may leave Mystel. You are the final member of the Blue Balls. We'll keep you and others updated, alright? Now go and do whatever it is you like to do," Boris said. Mystel left. Boris turned to Voltaire. "Well, that was easy."

"We'll need a manager."

"Aren't we the managers?"

"We should have a young manager, like Felatio. I think Bryan should be the manager," Voltaire answered.

Boris lifted a brow, "What?"

"Yeah, Bryan."

"He doesn't know anything about music though."

"We'll guide him."

"Ok, sounds like a plan. Now, we must release a press statement to the world so they are all aware of the fantastic Blue Balls!"

Voltaire grinned. "Excellent."

.

Are you surprised by the members in the Blue Balls? What insanity will they get up to when they create their own song? What will Felatio do to stop them? Find out more in the next random chapter!


	3. Bryan's Lessons, Part One

Disclaimer

The rights to Beyblade belong to Takao Aoki. All lyrics that appear in this chapter belong to me.

Title

Battle of the Boy Bands

Summary

Boris learns that boy bands are the new big thing. He decides it's time for a career change and sets his eyes on creating the world's most awesome boy band – the Blue Balls.

Special Thanks

DGMSilverAirHead03, Sage Nightwing, That girl and Lhune for reviewing the previous chapter!

.

**Chapter Two: Bryan's Lessons, Part One**

Bryan sat down at the head of the table, his arms resting on the surface. He was in the best of moods right now, and it wasn't because he had spent a night at the lawn bowls club. No, he was happy because he was now the official manager of the up and coming superstars, the Blue Balls! He wasn't quite sure of the name, but he wasn't too concerned. After all, he was getting big money for doing basically nothing. All he had to do was throw around random advice.

Like... how to dance on stage like a professional. Although never having spent a single dollar on dancing lessons ever, Bryan considered himself to be the master of dancing. Countless hours wasted on watching boy bands dancing on YouTube led him to believe he knew everything. But first, each boy needed a stereotypical boy band label!

The members of the Blue Balls sat in front of the table, looking quite nervous. "Now," Bryan started, clearing his throat, "You all need a label. Typically, boy bands are made of the following – the heart throb, the bad boy, the cute one, the older brother and the shy one. Whether or not you fit under these categories doesn't matter – you are going to be paid to act like you do fit," Bryan said.

Tala raised his hand. "So, which one am I? The heart throb, right?"

Kai frowned. "No way, I'm the better looking one."

Mystel shook his head. "Nu-uh. I'm better."

"You guys are so behind me... I'm far better looking," Johnny claimed.

"No, that would be me!" Michael boasted.

Bryan lifted both his hands and called for silence. "I know you are all pretty good looking, but I'm the manager and that means I'm the best looking one here. No arguments." He glared at the boys to show he was not kidding. Their squabbling ceased. "Now, Johnny – you are going to be the rebel only because you look like one. When you are not wearing matching clothes, you will be required to dress in black leather and wear fake tattoos. Girls really dig the bad boy look."

Johnny seemed pretty content with that description. "Yeah, that sounds good."

"Now, because Kai is the face of the band, he is the official heart throb. You will be required to appear shirtless on the posters and in photo shoots. You are always the good guy to, you are never wrong," Bryan explained, to a rather confused looking Kai. Tala snorted and muttered something about, 'I'm way better looking than he is'.

"Tala, you are the cute one aka the second heart throb. If Kai falls sick during a photo shoot, you will be required to take his place."

"What does that make me?" Michael demanded.

Bryan stroked his chin, giving Michael a thoughtful look. "You can be the older brother figure. Even though you guys aren't blood related, you are now brothers to each other. Everything you do from now on will be done together. You will sleep together, bathe together, dance together... you get the gist of things."

"Ew!" said Kai.

"Good lord no," commented Johnny.

"I was joking," Bryan said. He cleared his throat again. "The older brother is the cool and confident one. He's the one that girls can relate to. That leaves Mystel as the shy one. You are basically given this label because the other ones were already taken," he added.

Mystel crossed his arms over his chest. "Hmph."

"You may be seen as the nerdy one, but that's alright because nerds are considered sexy these days," Bryan said. The members of the Blue Balls exchanged worried looks. Bryan was creepy, but he did know his shit really well.

"The second step is coming up with your first song. You want to make your first song simple and catchy. Your first album must be simple catchy fun. Lyrically, you must sing about girls always. Topics outside girls are forbidden and frowned upon," Bryan said. "You are encouraged not to write your own lyrics, but you can if you want," he added.

"So, what's our first song gonna be called?" Kai said.

Bryan smiled. "I have been advised that your first song shall be titled, 'It Doesn't Matter As Long As You Love Me. You will be required to dress up in skinny jeans and colourful shirts for your first video."

The boys (except for Tala) shuddered at the thought of wearing uber tight skinny jeans. "Yay," said Tala.

"Now, we shall compose your first song," Bryan said, still grinning like a madman. "I will give you each a piece of paper – write the first few lines that enters your head. It doesn't matter how silly it sounds – teenage girls will not care, they will be mesmerized by your good looks and synchronised sexy dance moves." He grabbed a few pieces of paper from a notepad, then handed one page and a pen to each boy.

The writing stage commenced! Let the creativity flow!

_One hour later..._

"Ah, you have all finished. Let me read out what you boys have come up with," Bryan said, grabbing the pages back off the Blue Balls. He started with Kai's page first.

Kai's Lyrics:

_I don't care if you are fat or skinny, _

_I don't care if you are tall or short,_

_It doesn't matter what you look like, sound like or act _

_As long as you love me!_

Tala's Lyrics:

_When I saw your face, my whole world changed_

_I could no longer see what was around me, coz my eyes were only focused on you, girl_

_You and I should catch up some time, _

_And together, we can rock, like there's no tomorrow_

_Because it doesn't matter as long as you love me!_

Michael's Lyrics:

_You and I are gonna run away some day,_

_To a private place where we can re-enact our fantasies_

_I'm gonna take you for a ride, oh girl_

_It'll be one that you'll never forget_

Mystel's Lyrics:

_It doesn't matter as long as you love me,_

_Because when we're together, we're unstoppable_

_We're breakin' all the boundaries, _

_And there's no stoppin'_

_We are what you call a perfect match_

Johnny's Lyrics:

_I've never known a girl as cool as you,_

_Just the mention of your name brings a smile to my face_

_I think of you every night and all day too_

_There's just something about you that keeps me awake all night_

Bryan placed the papers on his table, and pressed his palms together. "I think we have a winner here, much better than that sappy crap Tyson and his friends have created," he said, glaring for no reason. "There will have to be some work done to these lyrics, but we're on the right track. You boys are natural song writers that's for sure. Now... I'll pass these lyrics onto Spencer and Ian and they'll re-arrange things. While they do that, you can learn some dance moves from Ming Ming herself."

Tala almost jumped up and down in his seat. Sexy dance moves? He was so ready for this! The other boys did not look so confident. Kai actually looked like he was going to break down in tears. What horrors would they face in the dance room?

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You have permission to make fun of the terrible lyrics I just wrote – I laughed at them too. In the next chapter, Bryan tells the boys how to bring their incredible song to life with dance moves! As always, reviews are much appreciated!

Place your votes for the most laughable group of lyrics!


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